(One person leads, the group then repeats after each line except for the chorus where everyone sings together)
Oh you’ll never go to heaven
In a baked bin tin
Coz a baked bean tin
Has got baked beans in (repeat)
CHORUS:
I Ain’t gonna grieve my Lord no more
I Ain’t gonna grieve my Lord no more
I Ain’t gonna grieve my Lord no more
Oh you’ll never got heaven
In (name a Scout)’s car
‘Cause (that Scout)’s car
Won’t go that far (repeat)
Chorus
Oh you’ll never go to heaven
In a rowing boat
‘Cause the rowing boat
Won’t even float (repeat)
Chorus
Oh you’ll never go to heaven
On roller skates
‘Cause you’ll roll right by
Those pearly gates
Chorus
Oh you’ll never go to heaven
In a jumbo jet
‘Cause the Lord ain’t got
No runways yet (repeat)
Chorus
Oh you’ll never go to heaven,
In (name a Scout)’s bra
‘Cause (that Scout)’s bra,
Won’t stretch that far (repeat)
Chorus
Oh you’ll never go to heaven
In (name a Scout)’s pants
‘Cause (that Scout)’s pants
Are full of ants (repeat)
Chorus
Oh I want to go to heaven,
So I’ll do it right,
I’ll go up to heaven
All dressed in white
Oh one fine day,
And it won’t be long,
You’ll look for me,
And I’ll be gone
Oh if you get to heaven,
Before I do
Just dig a hole,
And pull me through
Chorus
Well I get to heaven,
Before you do
I’ll dig a hole,
And spit on you
That’s all there is
There ain’t no more
Saint Peter said,
As he closed the door
Additional verses:
Oh you can’t get to heaven, in a rocking chair.
‘Cause the Lord don’t allow, no lazybones there
Oh you can’t get to heaven, on water skis.
‘Cause the Lord don’t allow, no hairy knees.
Oh you can’t get to heaven in a limousine,
‘Cause the Lord don’t sell no gasoline.
Oh you can’t get to heaven on a motor bike,
‘Cause you’ll get halfway, then you’ll have to hike.
Oh you can’t get to heaven with powder and paint,
‘Cause it makes you look like what you ain’t.
Oh you can’t get to heaven in a strapless gown,
‘Cause the gosh darn thing might fall right down.
Oh you can’t chew terbaccy on the golden shore,
‘Cause the Lord don’t have no cuspidor.